My Old Friend

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Do we really know what it is?

Ask 10 different people to define what it is. Most will come up with the same answer. Sadness. Personally I have had my own bout with depression. In fact I have had it most of my life. It never leaves you. I have given my depression a name and called it Her or She.

She is always there in the corner, tucked away, occasionally coming to see me. Sometimes over-staying her welcome. She promises me in her mischievous tone to always be by my side. Good, bad or different times.

My conclusion about depression is it is a form of anger. Buried deep within the soul. It builds and builds until its ready to show its head. When my depression was at its worse she stayed with me for 4 years straight. Everything I saw in black or dark grey. I never saw anything in colour. Black or grey. It felt like I was carrying the weight of 2 men on my shoulders permanently.

I felt tearful at all times, trying to get on with my everyday life this was impossible. I felt weak and had no self esteem. To make things worse, because of my job I had to pretend I was ok. That itself was additional stress. I noticed that I didn’t eat at all. Four to five days would go by and no food or water would pass my lips. In turn I was always tired and couldn’t remember anything.

I have come a long way since then, having regular counselling session and talking about it openly. Like I said she doesn’t visit me so often but she is always there, hovering.

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